The Reason
by Brittney373
Summary: Songfic - "The Reason" by Hoobastank. "Things have changed. Because of your love, because of you – you and your stupid messy hair, and your stupid stormy eyes and your ridiculous ability to be arrogant but enthralling – I don't want to be strong anymore."


_**A/N: **Right. So. Here's yet another songfic! They just seem to come to me. I feel I'm being a little repetitive with how these things play out, but I just can't help it - Rose/Scorpius in my head just play out this way. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now. This is, obviously, a Rose/Scorpius songfic, to the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank. It was on the radio when I was in the car once, and this idea came to me! Dammit, fanfictions just come to by any inspiration these days! So many ideas, so little time! :D_

_Anywhoo. Pleeeeaaase REVIEW! And please, if you favourite (not saying it's _that_ great) but if you do, please review and tell me why you favourited it! I appreciate all reviews immensely! :D_

_Thanks! .xx_

_Oh yeah. Thankyou to Samarajean for reading this before I put it up and encouraging me that this was good stuff! I appreciate it a great deal! :D :D :D_

_**Disclaimer: My initials are B.K. not J.K., so unfortunately, I own absolutely nothing to do with the characters/places/etc. associated with the wonderful world of Harry Potter in this fic. Just the plot. :P Also, the freaking awesome song belongs, I believe, to a band named Hoobastank. So yeah, not mine. (:**_

* * *

**"The Reason"**

Rose sank down on her bed, fighting against the burning in her eyes. It had been a week since she'd argued with Scorpius Malfoy, her arch nemesis of six and a half years. And it had been a week since she'd found out he loved her. She wasn't sure what to do about it. She knew that she didn't hate him. She knew that she was attracted to him. She knew she had feelings for him. But she didn't know how to tell him, she didn't know if she could face him to tell him. How could she?

An idea struck her, and she crawled to the end of her bed, where her trunk was at the foot, open and messy. She rummaged for a while before pulling out a piece of parchment, an ink well and a quill. Grabbing one of her hardback textbooks, she set the parchment down and prepared herself to write. At first, she hesitated, but Albus' scolding voice in the back of her mind urged her on, and the quill came into contact with the yellowed parchment as she tentatively wrote.

* * *

_**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do**_

_**But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know**_

_Dear Scorpius,_

_I can't believe I am actually writing you a letter. And yes, I do realise that I just called you Scorpius, not _Malfoy_. Well, I don't know if I'll even give this to you, and even if I do, I don't know if you'll even read it. Even if you do read it, I don't know if you'll believe anything I say. Great, now I sound like a rambling idiot. Which I am. I know I am. You've told me countless times before. _

_Well, anyway. I don't exactly know how to tell you what I want to say. It's really hard for me. Okay. So, I know that you love me. Albus told me. Please don't be mad at him. He just thought that I should know. I understand that you've loved me for quite some time now. And I know that you told Albus you thought I was – am – perfect. Well I guess that's something I would like to clear up. I'm not perfect Scorpius. Sure, in your eyes I might be, you've built me up as this perfect girl, none like any other. A girl who doesn't like girly things, a girl who is strong and independent, a girl who can't be touched by anyone or anything – and I am those things. _

_But on the other hand, I'm not. Scorpius, I am not strong and formidable. Sure, I put off this tough girl persona, but it's all just an act, a great big lie in order to keep people at a safe distance. It's my defence against my own feelings. I think that if I act like nothing touches me, I won't feel the force of the things that do. _

_But I am naive. I lie to myself as much as I lie to everyone else, especially you. I don't think you even understand just how much you affect me. I may seem to loathe you, I even tell you how much on a regular basis, but I don't. I ignored my feelings for you for a very long time. I can't ignore them any longer. And now that I know you love me, I can see that you've been doing the same thing I have, hiding behind your arrogant persona. But I know different now. _

_Now I regret all the arguments we had this year, knowing that all that time you loved me. You see, I'm just a student, willing to learn as always, in this new thing called love. I haven't quite got a grasp on the concept yet, but I'm getting there, I just need some time. And I know, I know you've given me time. But for Merlin's sake, Scorpius, you could've been a bit more obvious! You could've just snogged me senseless or something! Why didn't you tell me you loved me? Why didn't you just tell me? _

_I know, I know. It's a stupid question. Because I've made you believe I hate you. Well, I'm sorry for all the arguments, I wish I could take them all back now. I meant it at the time, but if I could go back and change it, and make it so I didn't mean any of those things I said, any of those things I did, I would. _

_**I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you**_

_And dammit! It's all your fault, you git! You did this to me, and I don't know when or how it happened, but I'm not strong anymore! You're insults hurt me even though I know you don't mean them! I cry sometimes because I can't tell you how I feel. And you are the reason. It's you, you angelic featured prat! That's why I'm writing this, I just wanted you to know. Things have changed.__Because of your love, because of you – you and your stupid messy hair, and your stupid stormy eyes and your ridiculous ability to be arrogant but enthralling – I don't want to be strong anymore; I don't care what my family will think. I don't want to defend myself against my own feelings for you, because of you. You bloody slick git!_

**_I'm sorry that I hurt you_**  
**_It's something I must live with everyday_**  
**_And all the pain I put you through_**  
**_I wish that I could take it all away_**  
**_And be the one who catches all your tears_**  
**_That's why I need you to hear_**

_I would also like you to know, I'm sorry for our last argument. I will regret it forever, because now I don't know if you'll still love me. I know I hurt you immensely that last time we fought. I didn't know you loved me then, but now I do, and I wish I could take back everything I said. I didn't mean any of it. I was just angry._

_I know you're nothing like your grandfather, Scorpius, and I'm sorry I insulted your father. I believe you that he's changed; I was just angry – angry at myself and angry at you for making me fall for you. I know he isn't the same person he was. I know he's changed. I know all this, but I still hurt you. I wish I could take it all back. But I can't, and it pains me that I can't._

_But most of all, I wish I could take back my parting words to you. I wish I could rid my mind of the pained expression on your face when I said them. I wish I could forget noticing the glistening in your eyes as tears formed. You wouldn't let yourself cry in front of me, but I know how much you wanted to. And that's why I went to Albus, because I knew he had the answers to my questions. He knew why what I said hurt you so much. And then he told me, and I honestly felt the pain physically in my chest. I wanted to go and find you, I wanted to cry with you and tell you I was sorry. _

_Because Scorpius, I didn't mean a word of it, I just thought it was what you wanted to hear from me. I'm so stupid. I take it back – I don't hate you. I don't think I ever have. I just thought you wanted me to. I'm sorry. That's why I'm writing this. I need you to know I didn't mean a word of it. Things have changed. And it's because of you._

**_I've found a reason for me_**  
**_To change who I used to be_**  
**_A reason to start over new_**  
**_and the reason is You_**

**_and the reason is You_**

**_I'm not a perfect person_**  
**_I never meant to do those things to you_**  
**_And so I have to say before I go_**  
**_That I just want you to know_**

**_I've found a reason for me_**  
**_To change who I used to be_**  
**_A reason to start over new_**  
**_and the reason is you_**

_It's you, Scorpius. You're the reason I've changed. You're the reason I no longer want to hide my feelings. You're the reason I cry because I insulted you – me, the formidable Rose Weasley. You're the reason I want to go back and change how I acted – the person I was. You're the reason I have hope. I hope you can still love me, even though I've hurt you._

_I'm not perfect. I hope you realise that now. And I hope you realise that I truly am remorseful, I never meant any of it. I just played the game we'd developed over the years – the one where we'd insult each other because we loathed one another. The game where we meant what we said. But you stopped playing, I didn't realise you'd forfeited. I would've done something differently if I'd known you'd surrendered. _

_But I've changed. I have. I'm not the same as I was. And it's because of you. You changed me. You made me realise that who I've been is a facade, in order to protect myself. Well, I'm done with it. It's gone. I just hope you believe me._

_**I've found a reason to show**_  
_**A side of me you didn't know**_  
_**A reason for all that I do**_  
_**And the reason is you**_

_You've made me realise all this Scorpius. You've made me realise that I want you to see that vulnerable side of me. You've given me a reason to change, a reason to be weak. That sounds ridiculous, to desire weakness. But I think being strong for so long has been wearing down at me. And I've wanted to change; I've just never had a reason. No-one has ever wanted me to change. Except you. You're the reason. And for that, I love you. I don't know how long I have, but I know it now – now that I'm writing this. I know that you're the reason my breath constricts, just by thinking of you. I know that you're the reason I can't concentrate in the classes we share, simply because I'm trying to think of a way to insult you, just so we can talk. The reason is you._

_I just wanted you to know this Scorpius. I've given up; take me if you want me, I won't fight it any longer. If you don't – I guess I'll deal with it. I guess I'll no longer have a reason, I guess I'll go back to how I was, but I hope not. I hope you still love me. I hope you can still be my reason to be honest with myself – to be honest with everyone._

_I love you and I'm sorry._

_Rose._

* * *

Rose sighed as she re-read her letter. Could she really send this? Would he still love her? Deciding to throw caution to the winds, she folded the parchment with shaking hands before calling her owl to her. Her hands still shaking, she tied the parchment to her owl's leg before instructing it where to take the letter. When her owl was out of the dormitory window, she immediately wanted to call it back. How could he love her still? She'd told him she hated him! She'd crushed his heart! She'd made him cry! She sighed deeply and sank back down on her four-poster once more. Sleep would not take her tonight.

Rose blanched when, some twenty minutes after she'd sent the letter, her owl returned – a piece of parchment carefully folded and tied to its leg. Her hands were shaking as she retrieved it; she hadn't been expecting a reply. She sighed deeply before unfolding the parchment.

_Rose,_

_You're wrong._

_I am not your reason; you never needed a reason, that's what makes you so perfect. You _are _perfect – to me. _

_You are most definitely a rambling idiot. Furthermore, you are the most oblivious, dim-witted intelligent person I have ever known. _

_Yes. Of course I still love you. You hurt me deeply, but don't you see? You _are_ perfect. I knew you would realise eventually that I'd given up fighting my feelings for you._

_You're my reason for acting like an arrogant prat – I needed to gain your attention somehow._

_You're my reason for wanting to be different from my grandfather – how else could you love me?_

_And I'm sorry I didn't just snog you senseless. Believe me; if I hadn't thought you'd hex me into oblivion, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Perhaps if I see you tomorrow, I will? Also, I'll tell you I love you. Yes, those words will actually leave my lips, because it's the truth._

_I love you; nothing – not even you hating me – could stop me from feeling that way. I will tell you every day if you let me. _

_But you're wrong; _you_ are _my_ reason._

_Scorpius. _

* * *

Rose smiled down at the parchment in her grasp, falling back against her pillow in pure elation. Perhaps she would sleep tonight after all. Tomorrow she would see Scorpius – and he would snog her senseless because they loved each other. Tomorrow, she could start anew.

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**_A/N: _**_Yeah, it's me again. Please review and tell me what you think! :D :D :D :D_


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